Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
