I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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