if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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