Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Randomize
