My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Randomize
