I wanna passion pit in your ass
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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