i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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