Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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