I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
