giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Randomize
