No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
