I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
