I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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