The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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