There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
