It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
