i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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