I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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