Can Purell be used as lube?
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
