I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
