I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
When are your genitals available?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Your penis caused this!
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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