is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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