i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
