dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
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