Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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