Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Randomize
