last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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