Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
