that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
