im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
