They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Randomize
