i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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