my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
