How'd it feel making her break her religion?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
