I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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