It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
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