My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
