Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
worst night to have a conscience
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Randomize
