I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
