they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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