Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
