I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
