Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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