i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
