That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
