I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
