Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
