Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Randomize
