I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
