I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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