He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
