He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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