Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
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