I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
