I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
