I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
