all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
