I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
