It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
